An important contribution to the burgeoning field of the ethics of recognition, this book examines the contradictions inherent in the very concept of intimacy. Working with a wide variety of philosophical and literary sources, it warns against measuring our relationships against ideal standards, since there is no consummate form of intimacy. 

After analyzing ten major ways that we aim to establish intimacy with one another, including gift-giving, touching, and fetishes, the book concludes that each fails on its own terms, since intimacy wants something that is impossible. The very concept of intimacy is a superlative one; it aims not just for closeness, but for a closeness beyond closeness. Nevertheless, far from a pessimistic diagnosis of the human condition, this is a meditation on how to live intimately in a world in which intimacy is impossible. Rather than contenting itself with a deconstructive approach, it proposes to treat intimacy dialectically. For all its contradictions, it shows intimacy is central to how we understand ourselves and our relations to others.

“Chris Lauer cut his philosophical teeth on the rigors of German Idealism, especially Hegel and Schelling. He is also well-versed in contemporary Continental thought and has a profound sense of what is still living in German Idealism for contemporary thinking and living. It is with great pleasure that we now receive this "dialectical" account of intimacy (influenced by Hegel, Schelling, and critical theory, but not limited to them). Displaying impressive erudition, Lauer's new work is both strikingly original and a welcome new development in this venerable tradition.” –   Jason M. Wirth, Professor of Philosophy, Seattle University, USA

“In a work that is both humble and profound, Christopher Lauer's dialectics uncovers intimacy's contradictions. Unraveling naïve, romantic and ironic notions alike, Intimacy testifies to the power and meaning of intimacy for human relationships, while ultimately arguing that intimacy cannot live up to its own demands.” –  Marjolein Oele, Associate Professor of Philosophy, University of San Francisco, USA

“This is a masterful work of philosophy. Lauer artfully shows why dialectical thinking is relevant today, and he demonstrates what it looks like with respect to the issue of intimacy. Playful and unassuming, the scholarship is first-rate and wide-ranging in both scope and implications. The writing is fluid and purposeful. A must read for anyone interested in love, loss, community, and the stakes of contemporary philosophy.” –  Jason Kemp Winfree, Professor of Philosophy, California State University, USA