1980s Rio de Janeiro.

There’s only one king in this city and he’s got the mullet, swagger and fake ID to prove it.

Introducing Carlos Henrique Raposo, known to all as KAISER.

This guy’s got more front than Copacabana beach. He’s the most loveable of rogues with the most common of dreams: to become a professional footballer. And he isn’t about to let trivial details like talent and achievement stand in his way. . . not when he has so many other ways to get what he wants.

In one of the most remarkable football stories ever told, Kaiser graduates from abandoned slumdog to star striker, dressing-room fixer, superstar party host and inexhaustible lover.

And all without kicking a ball.

He’s not just the king… he’s the Kaiser.

Rob Smyth has worked on the Guardian sports desk since 2004 and has written or edited eight books, including Danish Dynamite: The Story of Football’s Greatest Cult Team. He has also worked for Manchester United, the Daily Telegraph, The Times, ITV, Sports Illustrated and FourFourTwo.